Embarking on a Math PhD program is often heralded as a rigorous and transformative journey, and it’s common to hear seasoned academics caution incoming students about the daunting nature of the first year. When I received my acceptance to the University of California, Irvine (UCI), the recurring advice from faculty and current students was consistent: “The first year will be the hardest year of your life.” As I reflect on my own recently completed first year, and having navigated the qualifying exams, I want to delve into the validity of this statement and offer insights that might be helpful for those entering or currently in their graduate studies.
Verenalei Schoenfeld, author of the blog post, math graduate student at UC Irvine, specializing in geometry and math education
My journey to UCI began after graduating from California State University, Fullerton (CSUF) with a bachelor’s degree in mathematics in May 2021. Like many graduates from the classes of 2020 and 2021, my undergraduate experience was significantly impacted by the pandemic. The sudden shift to virtual learning during those formative years felt like a disruption to my education and overall college experience. Isolation became the norm, resources were strained, and the support systems that thrived on campus seemed to dissipate. This abrupt transition left many of us feeling disconnected and uncertain about continuing our academic pursuits. My own motivation for mathematics waned, and the idea of further schooling felt unappealing.
Despite these reservations, I held onto hope for my first year at UCI. The prospect of a new environment, meeting new people, and rediscovering my passion for learning was genuinely exciting. However, the well-meaning but somewhat ominous warnings about the difficulty of the first year cast a shadow of doubt even before I began. The lack of specifics behind these warnings made it harder to prepare mentally, and I found myself questioning the entire endeavor before even starting.
The Initial Shock: Transitioning to Graduate Studies in Mathematics
The first quarter of graduate school marked a significant adjustment for everyone, especially as California universities were largely returning to in-person instruction. After a year and a half of studying remotely, often from my kitchen table, the return to the classroom was a welcome change in theory, but presented unexpected challenges in practice. While I anticipated thriving in a physical learning environment, the sudden immersion back into in-person classes was more disorienting than I had imagined.
Re-establishing a routine that incorporated commuting, navigating campus, and attending lectures and discussions demanded a significant overhaul of my time management skills. Suddenly, the structured days of graduate coursework, teaching assistant responsibilities (TA-ing two sections), and basic personal needs felt overwhelming. Finding time for actual schoolwork amidst these new demands proved difficult, and I often felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. This intense period of readjustment highlighted the importance of time management and self-organization, skills that are crucial for thriving in demanding math PhD programs.
Academic Hurdles: Quarter System, Coursework, and Self-Doubt
Academically, the transition was equally challenging. Enrolled in three graduate-level courses under the quarter system, the pace of learning was dramatically faster than my previous experience with the semester system. The rapid progression through material left little room to catch up on homework, readings, grading responsibilities for my TA positions, and the basic necessities of life. My performance in those initial courses fell short of my expectations, which significantly impacted my self-esteem. This academic struggle, combined with the overwhelming lifestyle adjustments, led to moments of serious doubt. I questioned my place in the program and even considered dropping out to pursue a different path altogether. This period underscored the intense academic pressure and the potential for self-doubt that many students experience in rigorous math PhD programs.
Turning Point: Seeking Support and Finding Balance
Fortunately, these thoughts of leaving the program were fleeting. I committed to the winter quarter, reducing my course load to two classes. More importantly, this was when I proactively sought therapy and utilized the academic counseling services at UCI. While I was fortunate to have a supportive family, they lacked direct understanding of the unique challenges of a STEM PhD program, as I am the first in my family to pursue graduate studies in this field. Therapy and counseling provided invaluable support tailored to my specific situation.
This period of seeking help was transformative. I began to process and let go of past academic anxieties and learned to focus on the immediate tasks at hand. Instead of being paralyzed by the enormity of a six-year PhD program, I started approaching my responsibilities in manageable increments, one step at a time. Crucially, I learned to practice self-compassion, forgiving myself for missteps and focusing on continuous improvement in all aspects of my life. This active pursuit of mental and academic support was instrumental in navigating the challenges and turning my experience around. It highlighted the critical role that accessible and supportive resources within a math PhD program can play in a student’s success and well-being.
Is the First Year Really the Hardest? A Matter of Perspective and Self-Care
So, is the first year of graduate school truly the hardest? The honest answer is that it’s impossible to definitively say. For me, it was undoubtedly a year filled with significant challenges and adjustments. However, my perspective may shift in subsequent years, particularly when facing the dissertation phase. The most valuable lesson I’ve learned is the paramount importance of self-care. Everyone’s approach to self-care is unique, and prioritizing these practices from the outset of graduate school is essential.
Regardless of the academic demands, taking care of your physical and mental health must be a priority. The rigors of graduate school will present difficulties in every year, emphasizing the need to cultivate resilience and proactive well-being strategies. While many warned me about the tribulations of the first year, alongside those warnings came advice about self-care and seeking support. In hindsight, I wish I had fully embraced this advice from the beginning. Integrating self-care practices and actively seeking support from the outset would have undoubtedly made my first year significantly smoother and more manageable. For prospective students considering math PhD programs, understanding the availability and accessibility of student support services is a crucial factor to consider when evaluating “Which Math Phd Programs Care For Their Students”. A program that fosters a supportive environment, encourages well-being, and provides resources for mental and academic health can make a profound difference in the graduate school experience.
